My teenage daughter is disobedient & rude. Help!

Dr. Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi

My 13-year-old daughter was a well-behaved extroverted child, good in studies and interested in music and art. But since the past five months, her behaviour has changed. She is disobedient, defiant, rude, and talks back to us. I suspect it is the influence of her friends. I’m finding it difficult to correct her attitude and behaviour. Please help!

— Shyama Rishab, Mumbai

Adolescence is a tumultuous development period with children struggling to cope with several physical and psychological changes. It’s also a time when children are developing into young adults and want to exercise independence and authority. During the early years, parents make a large number of decisions for their children but as they enter adolescence, teens want to assert their identity which often manifests as disobedience, rudeness and insensitivity. As a parent, you need to be patient and allow her greater control over decision-making while encouraging open communication. Set clear rules and boundaries based on family values to provide a sense of stability and empowerment to your daughter while avoiding emotional blackmail, sarcasm, taunts and preachy lectures.

My five-year-old son has been indoors for the past 18 months of the pandemic. He is healthy, active and energetic. But now, when I take him to visit friends he refuses to interact and talk to his peers as well as adults. My elder son was very talkative at this age. I know the lockdown has deprived my younger son of socialisation, but I want him to become a normal child. Please advise.

— Sheila Paul, Chennai

Children will become ‘normal’ as normalcy gradually returns. Young children are resilient and will quickly adapt to in-person schooling and meeting teachers and friends. The socialisation deprivation of the past 18 months cannot be compensated overnight. Gently encourage your child to socialise and interact with others. Don’t rush and force him to become an extrovert. You could also consider enrolling your son in sports/ extra-curricular classes. This will provide him opportunities to interact with peers and also learn a new sport/skill.

My son is petrified of snakes and insects. He refuses to sleep on the floor when we visit my parents’ house because he is scared of being attacked by insects. How can I help him get over this phobia?

— Priyanka Sriram, Bengaluru

Entomophobia or fear of insects is common in children. Don’t interpret this fear as stubbornness or disobedience by the child. Also don’t force him to sleep on the floor as it will enhance his anxiety and result in him not wanting to visit places which aggravate his apprehension. While children of this age outgrow many fears, as a parent, your responsibility is to constantly reassure him by using pest control repellents and room cleaning. You could also educate him about harmful and non-harmful insects.

(Dr. Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi is a parenting coach, founder – Get Set Parent, and vice-president, Early Childhood Association of India)