Coping with body shaming

My seven-year-old son is tall and skinny. His friends make fun of his skinny frame. So of late, he has stopped going out to play with them. I believe he needs to interact with peers and develop important social skills. Please advise.

— Rupali Shukla, Delhi

Body shaming and bullying by friends causes stress in children of all age groups. You need to comfort your son that it’s alright to be thin and discuss different body types by illustrating examples of sportspersons/other role models with varying body types. It’s important to use discussions at home to build his self-esteem and confidence. Avoid discussions which glorify physical attributes. Buy him his favourite clothes and shoes to make him feel good. Most important, you need to emphasise that it’s his personality, friendliness, generosity and helpfulness which will define his relationship with friends in the long run and not his physical characteristics.

My daughter got her first menstrual period four months ago. Since then she refuses to go out to play or attend badminton coaching during her period days. She also feels awkward talking about it. How do I help her understand that menstruation is perfectly normal?

— Neelima Kamath, Bengaluru

For a young girl, menstruation and physical changes that accompany it are life-altering. You need to allow her time to let it all sink in. Explain and counsel her about the physical transformation she is undergoing, take her shopping to buy comfortable sanitary pads and leak-protect underwear, and encourage her to wear comfortable clothes during her period days. There are also many informative videos online which explain and inspire young women to perform all normal activities including sports, during menstruation.

My 12-year-old daughter is very shy and reticent. She has only two-three friends. When I encourage her to make new friends, she withdraws into a shell. I want her to develop a more outgoing personality. Please help!

— Krithika Rao, Hyderabad

Nature and nurture define how we function in the real world. Some people are naturally introverted while others are extroverts. It’s unlikely that you will be able to force a 12-year-old to be outgoing if she doesn’t want to be. There are many adults too who are content with three-four close friends.

I recommend that you create opportunities that nurture her communication skills. You could enrol her in after-school classes/workshops where she will get the opportunity to participate and interact with peers; explain the importance of communicating her needs and being assertive so she doesn’t miss opportunities and encourage her to participate in a variety of literary and extra-curricular activities and competitions. Avoid constantly prodding and nagging her to be extroverted. Accept and appreciate her for who she is.

(Dr. Pallavi Rao Chaturvedi is a parenting coach, founder – Get Set Parent, and vice-president, Early Childhood Association of India)