Positive discipline teaches children to control emotions and take responsibility for their actions. It uses positive reinforcement to teach children to respect rules and boundaries

Toddlers entering preschool and kindergarten need to learn to regulate their emotions and behaviour. As they make sense of the world around them, they need to be taught to communicate and interact with others, especially adults. Positive discipline teaches children to control emotions and take responsibility for their actions. It uses positive reinforcement to teach children to respect rules and boundaries. Here are five suggestions for parents to use positive discipline to teach children to control their emotions.

1. control yourself, not your child
When dealing with children’s temper tantrums, avoid angry outbursts, shouting and physical punishment. In cases of extreme behavioural flare-up, practice anger management by counting to 10, taking a deep breath or simply stepping away from the situation. Sometimes parents have to ignore child behaviour they don’t like. Walk away or play deaf, and your child will soon discover that there are better ways to communicate than through temper tantrums.
Children who hear “No” or “Don’t” all the time tend to tune out those instructions. It’s more effective to praise positive behaviour instead of pestering children with instructions about what they shouldn’t do.

2. Recognise when children are stressed
Contemporary children are stressed with overload of school and extra-curricular activities. Observe your preschooler carefully for signs of stress and fatigue. If you notice any stress symptoms, focus on pruning their activities schedule and ensure balanced diet and adequate sleep.
When young children experience stress, they become irritable and cranky. Help them to self-regulate their emotions and manage stress.

3. Set rules and boundaries
Set rules and boundaries for children, it makes them feel safe and secure. Explain in age-appropriate language why it’s important for them to follow prescribed rules. If they break them, convert the misdemeanour into a learning opportunity. If they consistently refuse to listen to your instructions, follow through with pre-warned consequences.

4. Encourage children to express their emotions
Young children need to be taught to express their sentiments and emotions. Teach them to identify and label feelings with simple words such as “happy”, “sad,” and “scared.” You can initially help them to identify their sentiments by saying, “You seem really angry at the moment.”

5. Teach anger management skills
Teach your children ways to control their anger and frustrations. A quick walk, counting to 10, or punching a boxing bag can calm your child’s mind and body when she is upset.
Make an Anger Thermometer. 0 means ‘no anger at all,’ 5 means ‘medium degree anger,’ and 10 means ‘most anger ever.’ Ask your child to rate her anger level. This will enable her to think the situation through and calm down.

(Ritu Jain is the Bengaluru-based founder of Solicitude Parenting and parenting advisor for children with developmental delays)