Recently, at a parents for good sports training programme in Fairfax County, Virginia, I heard Bob Rhyne (the Herndon-Reston Babe Ruth rep) describe baseball as a “game of failure”. Explaining the observation, he said that there’s an inevitability about baseball players experiencing some failures during the course of a season. There will be missed pitches, muffed throws, dropped balls, and many more strikes than hits.

This in turn explains why many young players experience great anxiety before the beginning of a season and/or big game. The thought of so many failure traps lying in wait would make anyone nervous!

Pre-game jitters are a common concomitant of competitive sport and all sportspersons and athletes - amateur or professional - experience them in varying degrees. To some extent, jitters are beneficial. You’re nervous, but the energy is positive – the kind you feel when you’re on the brink of something special, or meaningful. You’re all keyed up and ready to get the game going right away. The adrenaline is flowing and you are focused. As an athlete, I always welcomed that familiar sensation of ‘butterflies in the stomach’ before a big game. It helped me rev up for the imminent challenge.

Nevertheless, as a parent of a young sportsperson who is just starting out in sports, it can be hard to watch your child experience anxiety. I’ve often had parents asking me what they should do about a child who chews her fingernails to the nub before a game, or who is so wound up the night before that she has sleeping difficulties.

If you are a parent whose child’s pre-game anxiety makes you nervous and anxious, I have a few suggestions. First, remember that a bit of anxiety before a game is a natural process of revving up for competition. Second, a little nervousness before a big game won’t adversely impact an athlete’s confidence or performance.

However, in cases where anxiety attacks are severe enough to interfere with your child’s ability to focus, perform, and enjoy a game, you need to explore the cause. How do you do that? Slowly. When dealing with an anxious child, focusing overly on the problem will only exacerbate it. Therefore it’s important to bide your time until you and your child are relaxed and not under any pressure or time constraint, and casually say something like, “I notice you seem to have trouble falling asleep the night before a game. What do you think about that?”

The chances are that you’ll discover that children worry about embarrassing themselves, not performing up to their capability, or simply feel intimidated by the competition. If that’s the case, assure them that it is normal to feel apprehensive. With some simple measures such sentiments can be prevented from becoming overpowering. They include:

• Taking deep, relaxing breaths when they feel anxious
• Visualising good outcomes of the game or meet
• Spending extra time honing skills they feel unsure about
• Creating calming pre-game rituals, like listening to inspirational music
• Taking their mind off the game by watching television, reading a book or playing a video game
• Creating self-soothing statements, like, “It is only a game, so I am going to focus on having fun”

Even so it’s unlikely that your child’s pre-game anxiety will evaporate completely. So, rather than trying to convince her that she shouldn’t feel or show pre-game jitters, explain that jitters are a positive sign, that butterflies in the stomach are natural and should be accepted as part and parcel of participation in all sporting activity.

Moreover, children have their own internal resources for managing anxiety. Parents must help them maintain their perspective and avoid catastrophising the situation (i.e making them believe that if they don’t play well it’s the end of the world). Encourage them to focus on things they can do to feel confident and in control.

For instance a young cricketer because of pre-match jitters, anxiety and nervousness may fail with the bat but excel in fielding. As a parent you could encourage him to focus on his fielding until he becomes more confident and begins to automatically develop his batting or bowling skills. Similarly a young basketball or volleyball player could be encouraged to develop her defensive and blocking skills until she develops sufficient self confidence to improve her attacking and spiking play.

It’s perhaps more important for parents to appreciate that if children derive pleasure and sufficient exercise from playing, it’s a reward in itself. While winning is pleasurable to parent and child, it’s not the be all and end all of participating in games and sports. Thus by sympathetic counselling and empathising with children you can ensure that their sports experience is not only enjoyable, but prepares them for dealing with inevitable competitive pressures in the workplace as well.

(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore)