While on the way to a wild animal park with three of my grandchildren (Christian (9), Cayleb (7), and Cara (5)), we got into a discussion about which sport each of them liked best. The boys recited their predictable list — football, basketball, wrestling, etc — until Cara spoke up.

“I like baseball best,” she said.

“Why is that?” I asked.

“Because they give you candy.”

Getting past the sugar part of it, what she was saying is that getting candy is fun. Hence, for her, baseball is fun — because that’s where she got candy!

As I observe children playing sports today, I often wonder how many of them are really having fun. Are they going through the motions because their coaches and team-mates are so focused on winning? How many of them are really enjoying what they do?

As adults, we ask ourselves “Are you enjoying what you do?” and make important career decisions based on the answer. But children don’t have to make career decisions based on their enjoyment. So why don’t they naturally enjoy sport? Why are they engaging in sports activity as a project assignment in which they have to win a medal at the end of it?

For some strange reason, after a certain age, ‘having fun’ is never a good enough reason to do something. For most people there has to be a defined objective, a definite goal. Without that goal, they think an activity is not worth pursuing. In sports, the opposite is true. Playing for the sake of playing and having fun has led to the development of some of the best players in the world. No world-beating athlete started running and playing with the objective of becoming a world-beater. They played for fun.

Recently I started refereeing high school basketball games — something I haven’t done in many years — and I’ve been amazed and dismayed by the difference in the demeanour of the players I see on court. The majority of them are stressed, tense, and focused only on the final score. All their eggs are in one basket — the winning basket. If they win, they are jubilant. If they don’t…

Do you see this happening in your young baseball/ tennis player? Is play all about outcome, and nothing about the process? Is the overwhelming focus on winning taking all the fun out of sports?

I believe sports is fun when three things are happening. First, when children are deeply involved in what they are doing. But being deeply involved doesn’t mean tossing and turning all night before the game, worrying that you won’t do well. It means looking forward to the game, dreaming about how you are going to make that fantastic catch or that great strike. It means that for you the smell of a baseball mitt is preferable to that of a $500 perfume, and you look forward to, rather than dread practice.

Sports are fun for children when they feel a close kinship with fellow players. A friend of mine has a nine-year-old son who plays basketball. She says her son had more fun one year on a team that lost every game than he had the following year with another team which won almost every game. Why? Because members of the first team were supportive and encouraged each other. On the other hand in the winning team, teammates were competitive and critical of anyone who made a mistake. As her son put it, “I didn’t feel like I had any friends in that team.”

In the final analysis, sports become fun when kids feel they are performing to the best of their ability. Children tend to be realistic — even when they know they’re not the best players, they can handle it — so long as they feel they’re doing the best they can. When they have opportunities to improve their skills and experience improvement, they enjoy what they’re doing.

Therefore I would advise you to take a close look at your child. Is she enjoying the sport she plays? Does she give of her best? Is she involved in the process or overly focused on the outcome? Does she have a good team and good coach who encourage her through mistakes towards improvement?

If not, are there things she can do to deepen her involvement, feel more connected to teammates, or improve her skills? Are there things you can do (without being pushy or intrusive) to help children in these areas? More important, are you setting the right example for your child? Can you help her identify situations or behaviour in field/ court games that will help her as she pursues the sports curriculum? For a child, efforts made to improve and better performance is as important as playing that perfect game and winning.

When USC quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinart took the decision to forego a lucrative NFL (National Football League) contract to remain in college for his senior year, jaws dropped throughout the sports world. What was behind Leinart’s decision? “The NFL is business,” he said. “In college I’m playing for passion and love of the game.”

There’s a kid who knows how to have fun!

(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore)