In my spare time, I like to referee high school basketball games. It’s my way of giving back to the sport and remaining updated with the various trends and attitudes exemplified by contemporary young athletes. One disturbing trend that came to my notice this past season was that over the span of the 30 or more games I officiated, I didn’t observe (with the possible exception of a pre-game captains’ conference) a single positive interaction between members of opposing teams. Players were so completely focused on the big game and desire to win, that there was no question of camaraderie, let alone utilising the opportunity to make new friends.

Admittedly this doesn’t bother most people as much as it bothers me. The dominant sentiment seems to be that positive feelings towards opponents and competitiveness cannot co-exist on the same playing field. Genext youth are being schooled to believe that the only purpose of entering the sports arena is to win — and to defeat the opposition. However, I think this is a dangerous attitude to encourage. It leads to unsavoury incidents like when a young, female Hispanic basketball player was heckled from the stands with comments like, “Go back to Mexico!”

There is a saying often featured on motivational posters that says: “Your attitude determines your altitude.” In other words, a positive attitude is the pre-requisite of upward mobility. But I believe the reverse is also true: “A negative attitude pulls you down.” This applies to sports as well as to life. The attitudes we exhibit towards others help us rise or fall.

For example, which attitude do you believe will serve your child best in the long run? The attitude that sport is a battlefield dominated by warriors in which opponents are enemies to be defeated, or that sport is a cooperative endeavour in which the goal of all players is to bring out the best in themselves to create a composition (and competition) of the highest level? Despite the intense competition we witness daily, I firmly believe it is the latter that will better prepare young people to contribute and reap the fruits of success. In corporate and adult life, we are repeatedly reminded of leaders who are successful because they are great team players, practice inclusion and work with diverse people. Moreover latterly, there is greater appreciation of “co-opetition” in corporate America through companies who partner with each other in one business arena and compete in others.

Another of my observations as a basketball referee is that players usually mirror the attitudes of adults around them. Invariably if a coach is a whiner, his or her players are whiners as well. If the coach is an aggressive, in-your-face individual, the players exhibit the same aggressive brusqueness in their style of play. Given the impressionable stage of young athletes, the adults they interact with greatly impact their attitude and behaviour — on and off the field. If, as a referee, I am the target of verbal abuse from adults in the stands, I expect very little respect from players.

If like myself, you are worried about the new culture of hostility and contentiousness that is increasingly permeating youth sports, what can you do to ensure your child is not similarly influenced?

First, you need to do some self-evaluation to determine whether any of your actions are negatively impacting your child. Examine your own attitude towards sport, competition, and individuals and groups who constitute your child’s sports environment. Are your actions towards these individuals exemplary? Do you see them as partners in sport or adversaries? Is your idea of a ‘good’ game based solely on winning, or do you value other criteria as equally or more important? While watching a game, do you heckle the opposition when they win — or do you appreciate their good play as well? Are you a good loser when you play or when you support your team? How do you celebrate victory? By rubbing your victory into your opponent’s face or by being generous towards him? How do you suffer defeat? Do you let it affect you negatively or does it strengthen your determination to improve?

Secondly, you need to pay close attention to the attitude and behaviour of your child’s coach. I can tell you for sure that it’s not enough for coaches to preach sportsmanship. The coach occupies a special place in a child’s life — similar to a teacher. But while school teachers just offer lessons in a particular subject, sports coaches have to develop healthy attitudes in addition to skills. Therefore they need to practice what they preach. If you feel that your child’s coach isn’t setting a good example, you need to make doubly sure that you lead by example to compensate for the coach’s shortcomings.

The plain truth is, attitude does determine altitude. If young athletes are taught that winning isn’t the life-and-death matter that it’s made out to be, and that the prime purpose of sports is to build people rather than tear them down, sports arenas as much as society will fly high.

(Dr. George Selleck is a California-based sports psychologist and advisor to Sportz Village, Bangalore)